When they sat down for dinner that evening it was especially awkward. Unable to look at Maze without seeing him naked, James had hidden in his room all afternoon again. He fully intended to skip dinner as well but Maze had banged loudly on the door to announce it was cooked and there was no way he could refuse without looking like an even bigger chicken.

They ate in silence for the first few minutes, neither of them attempting to make conversation and it was only as James was pouring his second glass of wine that Maze finally spoke up.

“I’m leaving,” he said quietly without looking up from his food.

James was so shocked by the sudden break in silence as much as the words themselves and he nearly dropped the wine bottle. Quick as a flash, Maze’s hand shot up to steady the bottle, his long fingers brushing against James’.

“What do you mean?” James frowned, pulling his hand away slowly so that it didn’t seem like he was flinching. “Are you going back to your planet?”

“No,” Maze shook his head and finally looked up at him. “I think it’s time I found my own place.

“What?” James’ mouth dropped. “Why would … I … Have you … Why?”


“Do you really need to ask?” Maze raised an eyebrow at him and lowered his fork to his plate carefully. “Aren’t you tired of hiding in your room from me?”

“I wasn’t hiding from…” James trailed off as Maze lowered his head slightly and levelled a glare at him that clearly said he wasn’t buying it. “You don’t have to leave.”

“I really don’t see any other option,” Maze shrugged and picked up his fork again. “You know how I feel. Whether you like it or not, it’s not going to go away, and I am not going to apologise for that.”

“I never said you had to apologise,” James instantly tensed.

“You don’t need to,” Maze narrowed his eyes. “It’s written all over your face every time you look at me. It’s best if I leave.”

“Best for who?” James challenged, becoming angry with the whole ridiculous conversation. “You have no idea what I’m thinking when I look at you so don’t even pretend you do! You never bothered to ask if I was ok with you kissing me and now you’re all huffy because I’m not instantly falling all over you every time you offer?”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it,” Maze rolled his eyes.


“I never said I didn’t!” James shouted. He realised what he’d said a second too late and clamped his mouth shut, furious with himself. He clenched his teeth as he got to his feet. “Do whatever you want, I’m not hungry any more.”

James slammed the bedroom door behind him and flopped down on his back on the bed. He was so mad at himself. He wanted to talk to Maze about everything that had happened, about what they were both feeling whether they were the same things or not, but every damn time the topic came up he reverted back to his default state of becoming scared and angry. It was infuriating!

Why couldn’t Maze understand how hard this was for him? James knew the answer of course, it was his own fault. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to Maze about it, so of course the alien had no idea what he was going through. Maze had made his feelings obvious and he wasn’t afraid of them, and as far as he knew James didn’t feel the same. But that was the question wasn’t it, did James feel the same way? He still had no idea and that was the scariest part.

He didn’t want Maze to leave but that was in large part because he had never had such a good friend as the alien, he’d felt that way even before the kiss. He’d definitely enjoyed the kiss, there was no denying that, especially now that he’d managed to blurt it out to Maze. He’d even thought about kissing him again, more than kissing after he’d accidentally walked in on Maze in the shower, but when he looked at other men he had no attraction to any of them. Just Maze.

So what was it, was he gay or not gay? Bisexual maybe? It was so confusing! He wanted desperately to talk to Maze, he could have asked the alien when he had realised he was gay, whether he was attracted to all males or just a certain type. If he wasn’t such a coward he could talk to his friend about it all and maybe have a little help figuring things out.


With a growl of frustration James threw an arm over his face. His head was pounding, possibly from thinking too hard or from clenching his teeth, and definitely from trying to hold back the tears that had just started slowly streaming down the sides of his face.

The only thing he knew for certain in the whole mess was that he didn’t want Maze to leave, and that was the last thought in his head as he drifted off to sleep.